Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
