yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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