thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
