The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize