He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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