Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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