I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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