so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
