Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's the barista slut.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
