You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
