I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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