i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize