Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
