if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize