when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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