Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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