Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
