last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
