o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
