so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
