If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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