if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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