i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize