Acid is not a monday night drug
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
