Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
