No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
