Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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