Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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