I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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