you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
