at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
