I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize