At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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