sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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