If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
