You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Farmville is her only friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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