just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
