I think my fart just growled at me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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