im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
