they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
