no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
