Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
