Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
