Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize