Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
