The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
