I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
