the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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