Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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