Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
