she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
