That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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