now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it hurts more in the daytime
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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