Your dad touched me again.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
