your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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