don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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