I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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