I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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