I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
