Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
