remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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