Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
