respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
