we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
