If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
