You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
