too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
