I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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