He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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