Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
