so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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