if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this just has baby written all over it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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