: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
