you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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