Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
