I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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