we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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