I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
