Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
