when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize