All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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