so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
