Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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