as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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