I wanna bring you to show and tell
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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