The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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