Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
