You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
do nipples grow back?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
