Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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