and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
