yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
