Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
