kristin has been a bad kristin
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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