Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
