I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
