The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
