Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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