So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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