Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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