Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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