omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
