maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
