Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
