yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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